Changed
by Cattyline
Summary: Assertive and stubborn. That's how she used to be known. But love can weaken even the strongest of wills.


A/N: The italicized parts were written in a period of angst, and 30 minutes ago, I decided to make a story out of it. Not a good decision for my first attempt at D/G, but I only chose D/G because it fit my idea. Veeeeery...different from what I usually write, and veeeery emotion-centered. It's just something I felt the need to write. Anyway, if you like it, let me know! If not...well, I apologize in advance, and have a nice day :)

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><p><em>I think of you all the time.<br>__ It drives me insane._

A flash of red hair. The young girl stole silently through the vast doorway and out onto the grounds. She could just make out the blonde hair glinting in the moonlight. Her soft footsteps down the castle steps were lost among the rustling of the trees, and she darted from one tree to the next, keeping herself concealed in the shadows.

_ I want to talk to you.  
>But I'm scared.<em>

She held her breath as she drew closer to the tall figure standing at the edge of the lake, staring into its depths…waiting. "But for what?" she wondered. She wanted so badly to ask him, to simply reach out and touch his shoulder. Instead, she watched. And waited with him.

_ Scared of what you'll think  
><em>_ of me.  
><em>_ of my obsession._

As the seconds ticked by, she thought back to what had brought her there. How he had mercilessly taunted her at every opportunity. How she had fought back viciously. And yet, she had been inexplicably drawn to him. His presence. He occupied her waking thoughts and came to her in her dreams. However, on the surface, nothing had changed between them. At this thought, the girl sighed. The boy stiffened and turned around.

_ Scared you might run away.  
><em>_ and leave me._

His piercing glare fell right on her. She blushed and began to shrink back but realized it was no use; he had obviously spotted her. Slowly, she stepped out from behind the tree and began to walk towards him. When she was finally close enough to see his expression, his glare faded into a smirk. "So, Weasley. Thought I wasn't expecting you?"

_I can't stand the thought of losing you._

Three months passed. Three months of rumors, glares, and even looks of jealousy at the young Weasley girl who had ensnared the infamous Draco Malfoy. Eventually, the whispers died down, but Ginny noticed that it hadn't caused their relationship to change. Draco had the ability of being a perfect gentleman in private, but in public, he seemed…distant. He wasn't ashamed of Ginny, that was for sure, as he didn't mind losing heated arguments to her. Still, Ginny resolved to keep an eye on him.

_I'm insecure.  
><em>_ I cry._

She lay on her bed, tears slowly dripping down her cheeks and into her hair. She was grateful that all her dorm mates had gone out for the day. At least they wouldn't be here to see her wallowing in self-pity.

_ Sometimes for no reason._

She tried to control herself, but the steady flow of tears wouldn't stop. Frustrated at her inability to control her tear ducts, she conjured up another handkerchief and scrubbed her face dry.

_ Sometimes out of anger. frustration._

As she lay there, she wished she had someone. No, not someone. Draco. She wanted Draco there to comfort her, to tell her everything was okay. But he was the reason she was all alone. Him and his stupid detention with McGonagall. She knew it wasn't his fault that he'd had to cancel their Hogsmeade date, and she didn't blame him. But that didn't mean she didn't miss him.

_ Sometimes out of sadness. confusion._

The more she thought about him, the more melancholy she became, until she finally began crying again. She suddenly felt a wave of shame for her pathetic behavior. "What am I doing?" she asked herself. "I have to stop thinking about him. Just forget him. I can't be this obsessed." She decided just to talk to him the next day, and with that, Ginny rolled over and tried to sleep.

_ I don't know what to do.  
><em>_ what to say.  
><em>_ So I say nothing at all._

"So, what did you want to talk about?"

She bit her lip and glanced warily around the library. "Not here. Somewhere private."

She led him to an empty classroom and sat on top of a desk, swinging her legs. Draco watched her, waiting for her to say something.

"Sooo, what did you want to talk about?"

Her mind raced. How could she bring this up? How could she tell him that she wanted more from him? How could she just blurt out that she couldn't stop thinking about him and that it was making her go crazy?

"I- I- uh, I just, well," she stuttered, trying to form the words in her mouth. "I just wish you wouldn't be so cold in public. I mean, the whole school knows we're dating. You don't have to be ashamed of it."

Draco seemed taken aback but regained his composure, walking over to take her hands in his. "Ginny, you know I'm not ashamed. I'm sorry, I didn't realize what I was doing. You know it's just the way I am. But I'll try. For you."

Ginny nodded mutely, not daring to speak her mind.

Draco smiled tentatively. Ginny knew it was for her, since Draco wasn't quite used to smiling without malice or scorn. "I have to go. Extra Potions assignments."

Again, Ginny nodded.

Draco kissed her lightly. "I love you."

As he slipped out the door, she whispered behind him, "I love you, too."

_I know you love me.  
><em>_ You say it.  
><em>_ But you don't show it.  
><em>_ Not always._

She stayed in the classroom even after he had left, replaying their conversation in her head, wishing she had said more, had said what she really wanted to say. She already knew that nothing would change. She wouldn't force him to change for her. She loved him for who he was, cynic and all. But he loved her for….what he knew of her. What he knew from their three months together. He thought that's all there was to her. They had settled into a comfortable relationship, one she was afraid of ruining. She had been strong, independent, a tomboy, even. She could hold her own. Draco saw that and didn't bother trying to change it. Draco thought she was her own person. But she had still changed. She had become _his_ person. She had her own needs. Draco didn't see them.

_ I wish you would show it.  
><em>_ A hug.  
><em>_ A kiss on the cheek.  
><em>_ An arm around my shoulders.  
><em>_ As if showing the world that I'm yours._

The next week, nothing changed for her. She could tell that Draco was trying to be more affectionate, but he seemed uncomfortable about it, so she didn't push the issue. All the same, she wished for it.

_ An unexpected "good morning"  
><em>_ or "I love you."  
><em>_ A flower.  
><em>_ A surprise.  
><em>_ Spontaneity, romance, to show you care._

It wasn't like he would've gotten teased for it. He had the entire Slytherin house intimidated enough, along with the younger students in the rest of the school. The only ones who would've given him a hard time were those from her own house; mainly, her brother and his classmates. But a trademark Weasley glare from Ginny would have silenced their taunts. Draco knew this. But he didn't know what she wanted. He didn't know she was no longer that scrappy, loud little tomboy who turned her nose up at dress robes and anything sparkly. Having spent her summers reading fictional romance, she wanted it all: the whole romantic fairy-tale relationship. She knew it wouldn't happen. But she could still dream.

_ A compliment.  
><em>_ A thank you.  
><em>_ For as hard as I try.  
><em>_ I try to be good  
><em>_ to make you happy.  
><em>_ Appreciation._

Despite her inner turmoil, on the outside, Ginny acted like nothing was wrong. She laughed and teased her boyfriend, challenging him to Quidditch matches and trying her hardest to beat him. She comforted him when he had a bad day and stayed by his side even during his moodiest times. She tried her best to be there for him. She knew he appreciated it. But it didn't show.

_ But no.  
><em>_ Nothing public.  
><em>_ Only pushing me away.  
><em>_ "Stop," you whisper._

She tried harder, but he didn't change. He still seemed uncomfortable, and she didn't want to push it. So she listened. She stopped when they were in public.

_ Sex._

In private was a different story. One Hogsmeade weekend, his entire dorm had gone out for the day. Draco had wanted to go out as well. But Ginny had different plans in mind. Early that morning, as soon as the crowd of students had left the castle, she let herself into the Slytherin house, using the password she had interrogated out of a first year, and made her way up the boys' staircase. She slowly entered Draco's room. A bleary-eyed face rose from the far bed. She smiled seductively and, without a word, crawled into his bed.

_ Sure, it's good  
><em>_ But not enough._

A week later. Sex. That was all they did now. Whenever they could get away, it was for hot and passionate encounters, ending with at least some, if not all, of their clothes strewn about. Yet Ginny could never find the time to tell him what she had wanted to say for the past two weeks. On the outside, still, nothing had changed. Ginny started to wonder if it ever would.

_ No time to talk.  
><em>_ I'm a distraction._

She knew she shouldn't be complaining. She knew Draco wasn't using her, not in the slightest. She knew Draco cared for her.

_I try to be strong.  
><em>_ But when night comes,  
><em>_ I am lonely._

And she blamed herself. She blamed herself for losing her independence, her strong will, her ability to stand tall and on her own two feet.

_I need you.  
><em>_ But I'm afraid to say so._

She relied so much on perceptions. On her appearance as a tough, outgoing fighter but also as a sweet and caring girl. She relied on his perception of this. She didn't want to overwhelm him with her emotional side; fragile, needy, weak. So when they talked, she tried to seem nonchalant about their relationship, pretending to accept it as it was.

_I want you to read this.  
><em>_ To know how I feel._

One night, however, she broke down. With trembling hands and tear-streaked face, she wrote. Not a poem, no. A message, broken and raw.

_ But I am scared.  
><em>_ Scared of what you'll think  
><em>_ of me.  
><em>_ of my obsession._

The next morning, she was determined to show it to him. Now, she could finally reveal her inner feelings without having to say a word, without walking away from the conversation regretting that she hadn't said what she wanted to say.

_ Scared you might run away  
><em>_ and leave me._

But when she met him by the lake, at the spot where it had all began, she didn't know what to do. He had plopped down on the grass beside her, a silly cross between a sneer and genuine smile on his face. As she stared into his eyes, her serious mood melted away. The paper crinkled inside her pocket as she turned to face the lake again.

_Please. don't. _

They sat in comfortable silence. No, she couldn't tell him. She couldn't risk it.

_I can change. take everything back._

"Are you okay, Ginny? You've been quiet."

_But I need you._

"Yeah, I'm fine. I just like being with you."

"I like being with you, too."

"You do?"

"I love you, Ginny."

_I love you._


End file.
